Henry Winter: D-day looms large for the Fearful Five as Premier League relegation scrap reaches its climax

Henry Winter: D-day looms large for the Fearful Five as Premier League relegation scrap reaches its climax

The grim reaper called relegation hits the doomed like a slap in the face, seeps through the pores as the fixtures are published midsummer and chills the bones when next season’s Match of the Day opening montage commences without the famous footage of Bobby Moore tossing the coin.

Emotional trauma: for fans, the final day of the season brings agony and ecstasy Photo: GETTY IMAGES

By Henry Winter 10:54PM BST 20 May 2011

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West Ham's iconic image gets unstitched from the BBC’s Bayeux Tapestry of English footballing history. Who is next for the cutting-room floor?

A Fearful Five shuffle nervously past the editing suite, scared of being written out of sport’s most compelling soap opera. Most at risk is the footage of Trevor Francis in his Birmingham pomp and Ian Holloway seized by St Vitus’ Dance on the Blackpool touchline. Wolverhampton Wanderers, Blackburn Rovers and Wigan Athletic complete the cast of the condemned, craving a last-minute reprieve.

So radios at the ready, calculators at the fingertips, and welcome to the pressure dome. So many issues clamour for attention like unruly schoolchildren. An odd Premier League season, encouragingly long on storylines but disappointingly short on star quality, climaxes today and will inevitably end with a bang rather than a whimper, particularly if Holloway is centre stage.

So many significant questions remain to be answered. Who will win the race for the Golden Boot – Dimitar Berbatov or Carlos Tévez? Will the 30 goals be found to set a 20-club record of 1,061? Who will gain the final Europa League spot? Will Arsenal have to sidle off for the embarrassment of pre-qualifying for the Champions League? These are major concerns for the elite but nothing when compared to the tension gripping the lower orders.

Not since 2005 has there been a final-day relegation scrap like it. Never has there been one denouement involving so many clubs, five of them covered by a point. Life begins at 40? Not this season. That 40-point mark is no guarantee of safety. Indeed, a team could go down with 42. It’s brutal at the bottom and the cost is devastating, beyond price.

The cost is emotional, shredding fans’ dreams, throwing summers into turmoil, and removing the right for fans to sing the reassuring chant of “we are Premier League”. The loss of prestige hurts. It’s like Jerry from The Good Life being sacked and Margo being forced to downsize. What will the neighbours think?

The cost is professional, too. “There are no nerves,’’ says Wolves winger Matt Jarvis. Really? Jarvis’s words are outwardly brave but inside his nerves must be twisting tighter and tighter. Good players know that falling through the trap door into the Championship does not automatically mean a painful landing. A safety net of another club’s embrace cushions their fall.

But the drop damages pride and reputation. The colour drained from Kevin Phillips’s face when he reflected on his relegations with Sunderland and Southampton. All the bad memories flooded back. Footballers are competitive creatures and that is why they will fight into twilight’s last gleaming tomorrow.

Even the Wags are chewing those famous nails. After Birmingham players’ boozy night out, keeper Colin Doyle received a sharp reprimand from his wife on Twitter.

The cost is financial, too. The figures range depending on clubs’ contingency plans but relegation would deprive a club of upwards of £40 million.

Nobody wants to be thrown off the Premier League gravy train. Look at Leeds United and Southampton, only now beginning to recover from the distress of the drop.

The financial ramifications of relegation sweep through local communities. Molineux is at the heart of Wolverhampton emotionally and geographically, and an important provider of employment to the local workforce. “It’s not just about the club, it’s about the city, everyone’s involved, every business, every company can get knocked back,’’ says Steve Bull, Wolves’ vice-president.

The unsparing post-mortem on West Ham, who seem to have lost the grace they exuded in Moore’s era, is a reminder to all. “West Ham are going to suffer now for the next year and find it hard to get back up,’’ adds Bull. West Ham should eventually find their way back but it could be a tortuous journey.

Desperate to avoid West Ham’s fate, the Fearful Five call on all forms of assistance, willing physios to get key players fit, hoping for help from other clubs, even for divine intervention. “Maybe the Main Man up there has written a story that would probably beat Cinderella,’’ said Holloway.

Crammed with marvellous monologues and daily drama, Holloway’s story is pure Broadway. He has even had an octopus named after him. Not even Sir Alex Ferguson, the manager of the year, can boast that.

Holloway visits Ferguson’s lair tomorrow with the odds stacked against survival. The piece of paper that emerges from the United dressing room at 3pm will be scrutinised with all the intensity of historians studying the Magna Carta for the first time. Even if it is the march of the understudies, United should have too much class for Blackpool, even with Charlie Adam fired up for probably his last game.

Away from Preston and those who survive, the nation should mourn Blackpool’s demise. In a season without a star, Blackpool have shone brightly, always full of fight, invention and entertainment. And that’s just Holloway’s press conferences.

Some of his conspiracy claims against the Premier League are laughable, and these were privately pointed out to him by the organisation yesterday, but Holloway would be greatly missed. Blackpool have scored 53 league goals, beaten Liverpool home and away and given United a real scare at Bloomfield Road. The Premier League would be the poorer for their departure.

Birmingham look equally vulnerable. Since vanquishing Arsenal in the Carling Cup, their season has collapsed almost as spectacularly as Arsenal’s. Injuries have been brutal, to key defenders like Scott Dann, and attackers like Nikola Zigic and Obafemi Martins, whose Blues career can effectively be paraphrased as one touch, one goal, one medal, one injury.

Alexander Hleb was a strange recruitment, deemed too much of a butterfly even for Arsenal.

Birmingham, having managed only one point in five, visit Europe-chasing Spurs and defeat would be no surprise for the visitors. Alex McLeish needs to stir his players. They must raise their game after weeks of woe. So much is at stake. This is sport at its most raw, a test of character in adversity.

Birmingham and Blackpool look the likeliest to be erased from the Match of the Day picture. Wigan travel to an exhausted-looking Stoke while Wolves have found form at the right time. Even if Wolves defeat Blackburn, the vanquished should just survive as the Fearful Five become the Tearful Two.
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